His name is Dr. William Pfohl, a local child psychologist who, for some unknown reason, agreed to see me. My first of four appointments was on September 2, 1992, the same year I saw Dr. Emsley with colon problems. He like Dr. Emsley, (note last post) said another life-changing sentence that has become my "go-to" quote when I counsel someone suffering from anxiety and depression. Not believing it keeps the cycle going, when if internalized, can be part of the solution.
"Perfection is not a goal, it is a disorder."
"What!" I said. "Would you repeat that again?" I asked in disbelief. Again, Dr. Pfohl said, "Perfection is not a goal, it is a disorder." One more time I asked, "Do you mind repeating that, just one more time?" "I've never heard that before," I exclaimed. And one more time Dr. Pfohl said, "Perfection is not a goal, it is a disorder." I absolutely could not believe my ears. I heard someone, for the first time, give me permission to be less than perfect, fallible, sinful, ME.
As I've explained earlier, I grew up in a very conservative church, saved by works, not by grace. My dad was a very strict disciplinarian I "split a gut" for. I "should-ed" myself to death and said "no" to nothing. I was a "sinner in the hands of an angry God," unaccepted "just as I am." How could I possibly give God anything less than perfection?
"Depression often symbolizes that you are holding on to an unattainable goal."
I wish I could find this starred, underlined, highlighted-in-yellow sentence, that I know is on the left hand side of that big paperback book's page I probably gave away to some other struggling depressed Christian who thought he could be perfect too. If I knew the name of the book or the author I'd say go buy the book this afternoon. I am grateful the author knew what I should have been taught as a child yet was just now discovering. I believe years of panic, anxiety and depression could have been avoided. His words fit together hand-in-glove with Dr. Pfohl's words, "Perfection is not a goal, it is a disorder." My unattainable goal was perfection -- something I could never achieve. For the very first time I knew my being a perfectionist was contributing to my depression. With the shackles off, I gave myself permission to be less than perfect and accept God's grace, just as I am. I felt a huge burden lift -- one hundred pounds lighter. I felt acceptance, not scrutiny, mercy, not rejection. God became something other than "resident policeman" who was the god I knew as a child. J. B. Philips, in his book "Your God Is Too Small," describes him perfectly. "Your God is too Small" was one of the first books I read trying to discover what was wrong with me.
The word "perfect" in scripture means "complete" or "mature." It does not mean sinless perfection. Anyone who believes he can be perfect is deluded and exudes arrogance. To say I can be perfect flies in the face of God. "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away." Isa. 64:6 All means every one of us. Our righteous acts are our very best ones. I simply cannot perform one that's not filthy. That's why I need God's grace. That's why I need a Savior.
There is a huge difference between striving for perfection and coming to Jesus, accepting God's grace. One involves pride, the other involves humility. Nothing is more humbling than falling at the foot of the cross saying to God " I need you. Heal my brokenness."
When we come to the end of ourselves we come to the beginning of a vital relationship with Jesus Christ. We have to.
"Perfection is not a goal, it is a disorder."
"What!" I said. "Would you repeat that again?" I asked in disbelief. Again, Dr. Pfohl said, "Perfection is not a goal, it is a disorder." One more time I asked, "Do you mind repeating that, just one more time?" "I've never heard that before," I exclaimed. And one more time Dr. Pfohl said, "Perfection is not a goal, it is a disorder." I absolutely could not believe my ears. I heard someone, for the first time, give me permission to be less than perfect, fallible, sinful, ME.
As I've explained earlier, I grew up in a very conservative church, saved by works, not by grace. My dad was a very strict disciplinarian I "split a gut" for. I "should-ed" myself to death and said "no" to nothing. I was a "sinner in the hands of an angry God," unaccepted "just as I am." How could I possibly give God anything less than perfection?
"Depression often symbolizes that you are holding on to an unattainable goal."
I wish I could find this starred, underlined, highlighted-in-yellow sentence, that I know is on the left hand side of that big paperback book's page I probably gave away to some other struggling depressed Christian who thought he could be perfect too. If I knew the name of the book or the author I'd say go buy the book this afternoon. I am grateful the author knew what I should have been taught as a child yet was just now discovering. I believe years of panic, anxiety and depression could have been avoided. His words fit together hand-in-glove with Dr. Pfohl's words, "Perfection is not a goal, it is a disorder." My unattainable goal was perfection -- something I could never achieve. For the very first time I knew my being a perfectionist was contributing to my depression. With the shackles off, I gave myself permission to be less than perfect and accept God's grace, just as I am. I felt a huge burden lift -- one hundred pounds lighter. I felt acceptance, not scrutiny, mercy, not rejection. God became something other than "resident policeman" who was the god I knew as a child. J. B. Philips, in his book "Your God Is Too Small," describes him perfectly. "Your God is too Small" was one of the first books I read trying to discover what was wrong with me.
The word "perfect" in scripture means "complete" or "mature." It does not mean sinless perfection. Anyone who believes he can be perfect is deluded and exudes arrogance. To say I can be perfect flies in the face of God. "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away." Isa. 64:6 All means every one of us. Our righteous acts are our very best ones. I simply cannot perform one that's not filthy. That's why I need God's grace. That's why I need a Savior.
There is a huge difference between striving for perfection and coming to Jesus, accepting God's grace. One involves pride, the other involves humility. Nothing is more humbling than falling at the foot of the cross saying to God " I need you. Heal my brokenness."
When we come to the end of ourselves we come to the beginning of a vital relationship with Jesus Christ. We have to.
WOW....
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